The Fundamentals of a Marriage

Marriage is a social agreement to live together. However, it has its rules which we normally don’t think about but do practice in our daily life without notice in the case of a successful relationship. In case of a troubled relationship, one needs to look into the book to resolve any dispute either in a positive and constructive way or negative and destructive way. Positive and constructive means to resolve the problem and convert a troubled relationship into a successful and peaceful marriage. On the contrary negative and destructive ways mean divorce or separation. In either case the benefit goes to the members of the family under scrutiny.

Foundation of a married relationship stands on some pillars…

1) Caring: Physically & mentally

2) Sharing: Events, experience, encounters, goods & bads

3) Dependency: Fulfill each other’s need exclusively

4) Transparency: No hide & seek, speaking out minds

5) Trust: Practice it, develop it through behavior and actions, No blind faith, demonstration through actions

6) Loyalty: Prove it constantly

There could be many more, but for now these are the most important points to look at. Those above-mentioned points need to be demonstrated on a daily basis to maintain and live a successful married life.

Humans are naturally social creatures; they do like to live together in a social setup. While staying close to each other, especially in a married relationship, caring is obvious. It happens exactly in the same way we do care for our friends.

Our social instinct compels us to share, without it there’s actually nothing else that makes us social. We stay in a group, we care, we share our opinions, share our efforts, assets, help and many other things. Sharing is important.

Dependency is the most important of all the points mentioned above. We are social because we cannot survive without others’ help. In a married relationship the basic dependency is mental and physical. Partners must be dependent on each other for their mental and physical needs, any violation of this rule makes the marriage void. However, in some societies and cultures, some people do practice a slightly different lifestyle but that is actually a taboo. So, people who are not following this rule are actually hiding the fact and pretending to follow the norms. Temporary economic dependency is also a dimension of this relationship.

In a married relationship transparency is vital. When you are in a relationship, you should not do anything that you cannot disclose to your partner. Secondly, hiding your sins completely only to keep the relationship intact is the best way to be happy. Partial truth is equal to telling a lie. You must speak about what you do and what you didn’t. It builds trust. It should happen naturally. No force should be applied or no one needs to ask a question but the answer should be there spontaneously.

Trust is a very fragile perception. It needs to be built over time and must be maintained through behavior. We meet people in daily life on the street, shops, office, but the question of trusting them is illogical. In a married relationship, partners must trust each other, one must believe what the other says or claims but not without supporting behavioral pattern. Our actions must induce trust in others’ minds.

Respecting your partner for being your partner and valuing it is what loyalty can be defined in a married relationship. You have to listen to your partner, what he or she wants. Sometimes you have to just obey him/her without a question, just to make him/her happy. When you do that, you can expect the same in return because you earned it. It is like a give and take policy.

Marriage is like two people walking on the same path towards the same destination. Growth in the number of the members is obvious by having children. Taking those children along with you and walking the same path is marriage. Sometimes, it happens that a partner makes mistakes, in such a case, it is the responsibility of the other to correct him/her and bring him back to track for the welfare of the family. However, the magnitude of the mistake can have extreme results, even a complete breakdown of a family. When two people make a family, their behavior must be directed by their responsibility towards the family they made. They have to sacrifice some of their imagination, wishes, dreams etc. The animal instinct does flow underneath our skin, but using it and directing it towards the betterment of the family and its members is called being social. Two individuals combine and make a family. Family grows with children. When two and more families interact in a restricted environment, it makes a society.

Being social, respecting your family and its members, caring for them, loving them, feeling the need of them in your life can make you a better human, who will definitely contribute towards making a better society.